Bottled up Smoke and Mirrors
by Ondageist13
Summary: Just because everyone else is smart, doesn't mean Naruto's stupid. *Character death :- Naru


DISclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would have enough money to buy my own car.

Thought I'd do something different this time. :)

XOXO

* * *

I watch you as you flirt shamelessly with our team mate, and I wonder, were you not born with any sense of dignity? Had it been anyone but you, I might have fought harder. But since it is you, dear Sakura, I will continue with my facade. You can have Sasuke, Sakura, because I love you. I love you enough to let you have him.

But I will never forgive you.

You wear skirts too short, and way too much make-up. But perhaps that's the way to win a man's heart. I would not know. You are so lucky, Sakura- you are free to love him openly. I can only watch from the shadows.

Sometimes I wish that I loved you like I should love Sasuke. That I was not born a freak. If I'd been born straight, Sakura, I would be able to chase after you, for real. But as it is, I act like a fool for you and it is all pretend. You think I am an idiot.

And I will let you believe.

I feel a chill whenever he says my name, though it is always tinged with scorn. I do ridiculous things to get his attention. Sakura, I wish you could know that I love him, too. And today I was this close to telling you. Telling you that you aren't good enough for him because you are not strong enough. You will never be good enough.

And I feel guilty because I know you honestly love him. I love him, but I love you, too. I am jealous, but I feel pangs of sorrow in my chest whenever he turns you down, and you cry.

Does this prove that I am not a complete monster, after all?

But, no, I must be a horrid person, for being happy. I am happy, Sakura, because he turns you down. I am glad that if I can't have him, you cannot either. But I can keep this to myself, at least for now.

Acting like an idiot is tiring. We are friends, aren't we Sakura? True friends. So why can't you see that I am bottling up all my tears? I have kept my love for him a secret, and you don't notice? Maybe I am selfish, but I want you to see me suffer, and suffer, too.

Because you stole Sasuke from me.

The day he finally agreed to date you, I thought I would tear apart. I could see your happiness, Sakura, and I was glad. But my heart shattered. I screamed so loudly-why couldn't you hear it?

Maybe you'd hear me if I shouted my despair out loud.

I try to comfort myself with the thought that my two most important people are happy. I try so hard. And it works. I am proud of my acting skills, and I'm sure that if anyone knew how well I could act, I would be given an award. But that is not the point of acting. The point is to cover my feelings. The point is to hide myself so well that everyone sees me to be something else.

Like smoke and mirrors.

I don't want to be left behind again. The possibility of my important people leaving me has grown- now that you are together. I want him to remember that I exist. So I do stupid things. Like flirting with you. And it is no good. He will never look at someone like me, someone damaged and a freak. And if he does look at me, all he will see is a demon- something broken and evil.

Just the way everyone else sees me.

Everyone but you, and that is always going to be one of the reasons I will not admit my feelings.

I cannot tell him I love him because I am afraid he will hate me.

You belong together- the perfect couple. I see you walking through the town, your fingers entwined, and I have to look away.

Today we begin the Chunnin exams. I woke up, and practiced smiling in the mirror- my usual routine. If I am going to be overtly exaggerated and energetic, I have to make sure I know how to smile. In the beginning, I thought for sure you'd notice, Sakura, since you were my best friend. But you didn't, and now I no longer worry that you'll notice. Now I worry that you won't.

In the forest, I can not help but feel sadistic and angry at you. You and Sasuke, the perfect couple, lost in the woods. Stuck with me. I'm sure that if I didn't yell and attack bushes, you both would forget about me.

You were nothing but a dead weight for most of the exam, Sakura, but in the end, when it counted, you were good enough. And I hated you at that moment, Sakura, the moment that you embraced Sasuke, I felt like killing you. But we are still friends, aren't we? Though you treat me like shit.

Perhaps we are not friends anymore.

Perhaps we were never friends?

Now that I think about it, Sakura, you were never there for me. When the guys at school beat me up for having no parents, and for being gay, you watched from the window. Only after the danger had passed did you come to offer me a bandaid.

No. It would be too easy to think of you as the enemy, Sakura, to think of you as the stupid girl who won Sasuke over through trickery, lies and betrayal.

But you never knew about my feelings.

And I, I hid my feelings before even trying. I am at fault here.

So, Sakura, I hope you do not hate me.

But I am going to confess today.

Time to rid myself of the smoke and mirrors. I wonder if I am brave enough. I wonder if I am strong enough.

* * *

~*~

_Dear Sasuke,_

_I love you._

_Naruto._

~*~

Sasuke crumpled the small bit of paper, and held it tightly in his fist.

_Why Naruto? Why didn't you tell me?_

Naruto shrugged. Sasuke looked up at the wife he never loved, at the two children he was obligated to love, and finally at the man he'd always loved.

Silence stretched between them, tangable and real, and then Sasuke spoke again.

_You're too late Naruto. _

The other smiled slightly.

_I know, Sasuke._

Sasuke nodded curtly. Naruto turned away, the evening light setting his tears ablaze as they trickled down his scarred cheeks. He walked away slowly, raising one hand into the air in farewell. Sasuke knew what was going to happen. How could he not? And he could have stopped it. But what was the point? He'd be joining him shortly anyway.

He opened his hand and blew a spark onto the note- the paper burning into itself until all was left were a few ashes. The wind came and blew the ashes away. Sasuke wiped -tears?- from his cheeks, and stood up.

_Good bye, Naruto._

_~*~_

Sakura stood alone at the cemetery, staring down at the grave stones- depicting a sick and twisted version of Romeo and Juliet. Everyone else had left: only she remained.

_Men._ She whispered, dropping her red flower among the others that littered that white marble, _More dramatic than women, more confusing than Kakashi's puzzles. I'm sorry Naruto, I never meant it to go this far. I thought surely you would get jealous enough to make a scene of yourself. But that's just it, isn't it. You were too busy hiding: hiding behind your smoke and mirrors. Did you know, Naruto, that Sasuke was just waiting for you, all along?_

She turned away, sad, sad, but mostly angry. They were so selfish. How could they leave her alone?

_Everyone_, She mused, _Everyone hid behind smokes and mirrors. And in the end, all was left was broken glass._

~*~

_Bottled up is where my fears go, my fears go__  
I will never show my fear  
They'll tear me up until my tears show, my tears show  
Smoke and mirrors_

_

* * *

_

T.T

**_changed it arouind a little--- yeah._

I based this off Skye Sweetnam's Smoke and Mirrors---

If you're gonna fav, please review, too!

**~Usagi, Usagi, Usagi-san~**


End file.
